Sudden Change of Plans

Hi. I'm Joyce.

This past week my life took a major detour and so that is what I am going to write about.  It will be pretty much the subject of most all my blog posts for the foreseeable future.

You see my worst nightmare became reality this week.  It amazes me how one phone call leads to one more exam that leads to a procedure and that results in one more phone call and two words that knocked the air out of me.

Breast cancer.

Mom had it.  Grandma had it.  They were both much younger than I am when they got it, and when they died from it.

The nurse that called to give me the news was calm and cordial.  I have to admit, I didn't hear much after those two words though.  I didn't do much of anything after those two words.  I tried so hard not to cry while I was on the phone.  I wasn't very successful.  I tried not to cry as I went back to my desk to finish out my workday.  I wasn't successful then either.  I really wasn't successful when I talked to my dad.

I remember telling him it is the best worst case scenario.  That is such a weird sentence.  Best, worst case?  His voice cracked and I started to cry once again.

Telling my family was the hardest.  Everyone knows what has happened to the women in my immediate family with breast cancer.

I pretty much spent most of Tuesday crying.  The nurse who called me also sent me an email with the exact name of the kind of cancer it is with a description of it.  She also sent links for me to get more information.  I googled the name of it.  It is contained.  It is in the very beginning stages.  Surgery, radiation and hormone therapy.  Oh and genetics tests.  Surgery could be easy or complex depending on the genetics results.

I don't like this.  Not one little bit.

Wednesday I walked around in denial.  Told my best friend I wanted a few days in denial.  He said that isn't me and sure enough, I was back to looking at info that night.

Thursday I talked to my nurse again.  She gave me the run down on my marathon dr's appt coming up.  I meet with the majority of the team (surgeon, radiologist, and oncologist and of course the amazing woman, my nurse Susan) on Tuesday.  A week after getting my results.  I can't meet with genetics until Friday.

Susan coached me for writing down my questions, one page for each of the team so I make sure they all get addressed.  My precious sister-friend Rachel will be with me for the appt, making sure I get my answers and taking notes and providing me with an  endless supply of tissue.

I have to keep reminding myself that this past year God has brought me to a lot of things I feared or didn't want to face and that what He has brought me to, He has also brought me through.  He wants the stumbling block of fear out of my life and He is bringing me down those roads to show me that what I fear isn't so bad.  This is no different.  Yes, cancer can kill me but my salvation is secured thanks to Jesus's sacrifice and resurrection.

Does fear creep in?  Oh you bet it does. Do I wallow in it a bit more than I should?  Yep, I do.  But do I know where to turn when the fear starts getting crippling and I get overwhelmed.  Most assuredly.  Should I turn there sooner. Without a doubt.  This is a process.  I'm at the beginning.

Thanks for joining me on my journey.  I covet your prayers and hope you may be encouraged as I walk this out.