Learning

One thing I have never been good at is asking for and accepting help.  I have been let down or judged so much that I have put on a hard outer shell and a determination to not need anyone.  If I can't do it on my own then I don't need it in my life.  I don't know when exactly this developed but it has.  It is hard to live in community and openness when you have walls protecting you from disappointment.

God has blessed me with incredible friends who want to help and want to serve me, especially in this season.  After my first surgery I was still very much in that independent, I can take care of myself mode.

This time around when friends offered to help I jumped at the opportunity.  I am just so tired the idea of planning and prepping a meal is overwhelming. Lil man and I can't live on cereal and prepped food products.  I love real food.  Fresh food.  My precious friend Joanna offered to bring me a couple meals and whatever groceries I needed.  I ran out of coffee creamer.  She brought me some.  And fresh fruits and veggies.  And that was on top of homemade chili and a rotisserie chicken.  I've never bought a rotisserie chicken and am looking forward to trying it.  She also brought me an adorable bag and a coffee mug that lists all the things cancer can't take from me.

And when Chris brought lil man back to me, he took him yesterday so I could rest, he brought me a Papa Murphy's gluten free pizza.  Yummy.

And my friend Kristen is coming over tomorrow to drop off food she's made as well.  I am so abundantly blessed.

I had prayed a long time ago for real friends to live life with, friends who breathe life into each other.  And He answered that prayer in spades.  He put me in community with a great group of women who are life givers.  Even though we have all moved to different times and stages of our lives, we stay in touch, not as much as we should but when we need each other we're there.

I am learning to accept help and to ask for it.  "Yes, please" is my favorite newest expression.  I don't need much but it's those who step in and meet the little needs that fill my heart so much.

My bestie set up a go fund me account for me to help with the medical expenses because 2 surgeries is crazy expensive and she knows thinking about being back in debt overwhelms me to the point of tears and panic attacks.  And it fills my heart that people respond.  It is truly incredible to have people step in to help me.

It seems like every direction I turn I am being invited to trust Jesus more and to trust people more.  I am so very blessed beyond my wildest dreams.  It is so weird to me that I am walking through the challenge of breast cancer but I am finding an abundance of blessing and much to smile about and I am joy filled, not always happy but I have an unshakable joy.

#Godisgood #abundantlove #breastcancersucks #Godprovides #Godlovesme